How Cowgirls Are Taking Over NYC
Post college, anything that brings a community together can be hard to find. It can be hard to find what people call “third places.” Third places are intuitively what they sound like: places besides work or home where one can gather with others. These settings provide people with a sense of belonging, with a way to nurture connection. Over time, third places have become increasingly devalued and disappearing, which is what makes creating a third place, let alone one specifically for queer people, so necessary and so special.
Enter Kissing Cowgirls and Houseparty. Kissing Cowgirls is a queer coffee and vintage pop up, run by Emma DiMarco out of her Brooklyn studio space every Sunday, with the coffee being made by her friend Lily Becker. Houseparty, founded by Emma and her girlfriend, Caroline Hetzel, is a collective that throws parties and hosts events with the intention of fostering queer community building.
“I didn’t really have queer friends,” explains Emma. “I didn’t have a group of friends who were queer until recently and it, like, changed my life. I want to give everybody that experience.”
This sentiment is one that tends to be echoed throughout the Kissing Cowgirls and Houseparty community. Whether coming from Emma, other queer friends, or even myself, the testaments to the power of queer friendship are a thing of beauty.
Queer spaces have, and will continue to exist, but what Kissing Cowgirls and Houseparty bring to the table is refreshing and, above all else, accessible. Sure, there are Cubbyhole and Henrietta’s, but each comes with their own set of challenges. Cubbyhole is a long standing lesbian bar in the Village, but is impossible to get into after a certain time. Henrietta’s, or Henrietta Hudson, is another longtime lesbian hangout space, but it isn’t really community based. Then there’s the peril of dating apps. “Dating apps were, like, brutal,” Emma adds. The need for a space conducive to actual meaningful connection was felt, and Kissing Cowgirls and Houseparty are here to have that need met.
What truly makes Kissing Cowgirls and Houseparty different is that the basis for interaction is not solely romantic. “Everybody comes here looking for friends,” Emma says. She then launches into a story about a friend of hers named Sam, who came to the inaugural Houseparty event alone, and now has an entire queer friend group to show for it. I was then able to dive into a story of my own, recalling how my girlfriend and I met another couple at one of the Kissing Cowgirls pop ups, and have become instant best friends since (Alexis and Cadence, hi if you’re reading). Those are just two examples of the magic of Kissing Cowgirls.
Emma and Caroline recognize the impact of their and so many others' “third place”, and have immense plans for the future of Kissing Cowgirls and Houseparty alike. Emma eventually wants these events to take place on a grand scale, “like Studio 54 kind of stuff,” she says, her eyes sparkling (for the non-gays, Studio 54 was a nightclub that hosted well over 2,000 guests a night in its prime). Caroline chimes in, saying she can see Houseparty becoming a queer events agency eventually. More importantly, however, Emma and Caroline are looking to create an environment for as many queer people as possible to find a space they belong to.
Drag queen (and personal idol of mine) Trixie Mattel once said, in response to the misplaced concern of the impact of drag on younger generations, “We don’t think about your kids. We don’t hope they’re gay. We don’t hope they turn out trans. We don’t hope they become drag queens. What we hope is that, if they are trans or are gay, they find a community faster than many of us did.”
“I just want it to grow, I just want it to get bigger,” Emma explains. “I want it to be something that everyone goes to and knows about. The goal is to build a community.”
Though a large number of the people that show up to these events tend to be gay women, Emma makes it clear that Kissing Cowgirls and Houseparty are queer spaces that are meant to be enjoyed by all queer identifying individuals. “By saying queer, I just want to make sure that we’re also including trans people, nonbinary people, anyone who identifies as a woman, whatever that means,” Emma emphasizes. “I just want it to be a very inclusive space and a space where everyone feels welcome.”
As Emma and I were doing this interview, a slew of people were thanking her as they left the studio, and rightfully so. A thank you is in order for the organization of an event that breeds queer friendship and joy.
“I just want everyone to have gay friends,” Emma says, smiling all the while.
That, in and of itself, sums up the aim of Kissing Cowgirls and Houseparty so well. For queer people, community can be life saving, and finding that community sooner rather than later is such a gift. Emma and Caroline continue to make that more possible for more people, not only giving back to, but expanding, the community they have received so much from.
You can find Emma at @emmadimarco on Instagram, Kissing Cowgirls at @kissingcowgirls on Instagram and TikTok, and Houseparty at @housepartyyyyyyyyy on Instagram.
